Resist
by Phoenix-Flower92
Summary: Lilly struggles to resist contacting him. Sad Loliver
1. resist

_Resist. Resist._ _Resist._

It's taking everything that I have in me to not call you, to not email you…to _not _cheat and call one of your friends to figure out how you've been.

Why is this so hard? Why has no one before told me how difficult the breakup is? Oh. That's right. I guess I have been told; just never listened, I suppose. Who would have thought it would end like this? I loved you so much. I thought you loved me too. Or, at least, I thought you'd love me longer than you did. But you fell for her instead.

I don't know what hurts the most—the fact that I lost you, or the fact that I lost you to _her_. It would be so much easier if you were alone. I want you to be alone, forever, which is crazy considering just weeks ago, I loved you so much I told myself that even if I lost you, I'd want you to be happy. Now all I want for you is pain. I need you to feel the hurt that you've caused me.

It still hasn't really sunk in that I've lost you, Oliver. I just can't accept that there won't be any calls from you or any emails from you. I keep fantasying that you'll ring my doorbell, and I'll open the door for you, and you'll be standing there, flowers in your hands, ready to kiss me…

I suppose I should have known that we wouldn't last long. You liked me, of course you liked me, and you most definitely cared for me, and maybe there were moments when you loved me…but most of the time, I harbored feelings much deeper for you than the ones you had for me. You never did talk about me to your other friends, did you? And you only bought me holiday gifts because you'd heard from Miley that I'd already bought something for you. Come to think of it, you never once called _me_; I always called you, didn't I? And to top it off, how long did we date, Oliver? How long did we date, and not once did you so much as attempt to kiss me???

And now that it's over…I don't know how to feel. Numb, I guess. I miss you, but at the same time…am I better off? Can I find someone better? I feel like I'm just going to end up alone, and never find that special someone, and I'll grow old, unmarried, no kids, with a bunch of stupid cats…

It's just so hard to resist!!! I'm emotionless, I'm depressed, I feel so weak. My finger hovers over the talk button on the phone, while at the same time I've opened up your email. _Resist! _I chant to myself._ Resist, resist, resist!_

I inhale deeply, then exhale; my eyes are shut as I concentrate. After several long, silent moments, my eyes peel open, and slowly, with a tear rolling down my face, I close the email, unsaved. I let go of the phone in my hands. I must remember to resist. I must remember what is important.

I vowed to myself to not contact you. If you care, if you miss me, you'll contact me. The sad part is, you _won't_ miss me. You _won't _contact me. You _won't_ come back. You _won't_ ever love me. Not again.

Will you?


	2. where do we go from here?

**A/N: I didn't want to put Oliver with Miley…so I had to create a character. Normally, I don't do that…but I had to…**

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I stare at her picture, and my heart sinks. I never meant to hurt her; I never meant for so much pain.

I remember possessing such deep feelings for her, long ago. Were they love? I'm not sure; if they were, then she was my first. I wish I could still love her like that. I _want _to love her. _I do._ I just…can't. It's not there for me.

I tried to resist the new feelings that overwhelmed me, the ones for Lilah. I tried to block Lilah out, tried to hate her, tried to avoid her as much as I possibly could. Lilah's a year younger than me, and the first time that I met her…it was…_wow_. I've never had butterflies like that before, not like that. She actually had me nervous. I said the stupidest things! And I could not for the life of me get her out of my head!

_But you have Lilly,_ my mind reminded me. I did have her, at the time. I had her, but…I didn't. Lilly and I were much closer before we dated. Dating made it so awkward, so…I don't know. I guess I didn't know what to do, and it was my fault, I started acting stupid and I did what everyone else did with their girlfriends and…I regret it. I broke her heart, and saying sorry doesn't fix that.

I continue to stare at the picture, and I wonder if she still has the one I gave her of me? Has she burned it? Torn it up? Will she mail it back to me, along with all the gifts I gave her in the past?

I sigh. I feel like I'm in one of those 'where do I go from here?' moments. Honestly, where do _we_ go from here? What am I supposed to do when I see Lilly again, in the hallways at school or in the cafeteria, or if I end up sharing a class with her in the future? Can we return to being friends, or is it just over? Am I allowed to contact her? Does she want me to contact her? Or does the sound of my name cause her to cringe?

A tear slides down my face and lands on the girl in the picture.

"I want to love you, Lil," I cry in a hushed tone to the photograph, "I do. I _do_. I just…"

Another sigh, another tear.

"Where do we go from here?" I plead, as if she can jump out from the captured moment and answer me. As if _she_ even truly knows.

I mean, what can I say? I tried to resist Lilah for so long, and that only made it worse. I should have told her the moment I stopped loving her the truth, but I didn't. I hid it for months, but…it wasn't hidden. She knew; she'd felt I was gone. God, I'm such an idiot.

I press the picture to my aching heart, as if doing so will fix this mess.

Sobbing now, and my voice hoarse, I repeat, "Where do we go from here, Lilly?"

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**A/N: Alright...so...help me out here...I'm kind of, sort of, seeing a story forming here. Anyone interested? Or leave it as a twoshot?**


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